The Day It All Went Hideously Wrong
by MadiSano
Summary: AAAAH! The morning after a party, Team Kenshin awakens to find that their genders have been reversed! Chaos will ensue! Contains insane, freakish randomness. Which means...it's worth reading!Yaay! [Oneshot]


_**MadiSano: It is extremely obvious that I was really bored when writing this. I know it's a weird topic to write about, but I couldn't help but laugh about it! Please read and review my odd little story.**_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Now you've made me feel bad. _

The Day It All Went Hideously Wrong 

"Aww, man…"

Sanosuke's head was absolutely pounding. He had drank _way_ too much last night.

Rolling over on the floor, Sanosuke groaned as he fuzzily remembered the party he had participated in the night before. Kaoru knocking Kenshin unconscious in her drunken rage; Yahiko attempting to drink sake; and Sanosuke himself swaying back and forth like the pendulum on a clock in his intoxicated state…

The whole thing had been absolutely fantastic in Sanosuke's opinion.

Blinking in the morning light, Sanosuke yawned. His head throbbed still, and he lifted his bandaged right hand to cover his eyes.

Sanosuke froze, looking at his hand. He didn't remember having such long, skinny fingers. Turning his hand palm-out, he inspected his perfectly shaped nails and thumb.

_I'd like to see how well I can punch with that_, Sanosuke scowled. _Megumi's medicine must've shrunk my hand to skin and bones!_

But then, when Sano looked at his other hand, he found that his left was the same way. Uncomfortable with such pretty nails, Sanosuke nibbled them for a few minutes, until they had been properly gnawed.

Sitting up, Sanosuke cracked his neck. There was nothing unusual about that—his bones creaked and popped as loudly as ever. But as he closed his eyes, he felt his eyelashes brush against his cheeks. Sanosuke jumped. Now _THAT_ was unusual. Sanosuke didn't have long, soft eyelashes.

"What the Hell…?" Sanosuke muttered, looking down. The first thing he noticed was his chest. It was…different from the last time he had checked. With an embarrassed squeal, Sanosuke grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled it over his chest, blushing.

"Ohhh, _Kami-sama_," Sanosuke whispered in trauma. "I swear on my taichou's memory, that if you'll make this all just a bad dream, I'll never get drunk again. Pleeeaaasseee…"

God obviously wasn't going to fall for that. (Who would?)

Squeezing his—at least, Sano hoped he was a he—eyes shut, Sanosuke waited a few seconds before cracking his right eye open. He cried out in horror—yes, _they_ were still there.

Taking off his red bandanna, Sanosuke tied his jacket together with it. Upon brushing against his hair, Sanosuke found that it had grown down to about his shoulders, and was spiked femininely on the side and in the back.

After a moment of simply sitting in shock and horror, Sanosuke put his thumb in his mouth and mumbled, "I want my mommy. **_NOW_**."

Looking around the room, Sanosuke found that the others had changed as well. Yahiko's hair was now flowing down his back, and his boyish form had shrunk into a more petite body. Kaoru…

Sanosuke bit his thumb to keep from either throwing up or busting out laughing.

Kaoru was a little taller that she had been before, her midnight hair tied as usual in a ponytail. Kaoru's face had become less round, and more manly. Luckily, Kaoru had been wearing her training outfit and not a kimono, so she still fit into her clothes. Her arms had thickened, and her womanly shape had lost its curves.

_Not that I would actually notice Kaoru's previously womanly shape, of course_, Sanosuke reminded himself.

Nonetheless, Kaoru was still rather small and skinny, like Kenshin had been.

_Oh, man…Kenshin_. Sanosuke readied himself to study Kenshin, and his jaw fell open when he found that the Rurouni had barely changed all.

The long, flowing red locks, impeccably restrained by a ponytail; the long lashes and feminine nose, long neck and graceful limbs…were completely the same. Kenshin looked no different at all!

_Do not tell me that the rest of us have been damned, and Kenshin was the only one spared because he's on his quest for atonement!_ Sanosuke growled angrily. Suddenly, Kaoru shifted in his/her sleep.

Crawling over to him/her, Sano waited until Kaoru had opened his/her eyes. He covered her (I'm just going to call them by their original gender, okay?) mouth, and whispered into Kaoru's ear, "Whatever you do, Kaoru, do _not_ scream."

Sanosuke winced at how much softer and high-pitched his voice sounded. To others, it was a more richer, deeper woman voice, but…to Sano, he sounded like a chipmunk.

Tensing, Kaoru looked over at Sanosuke. She jumped, and her eyes widened when she saw the breathtaking but alarming transformation Sanosuke had taken. Sano then whispered, as Kaoru's eyes flicked to her own body, "Okay, that's the least of it in your eyes. Now, promise me you won't—"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

Sanosuke fell backwards in surprise and irritation, as Kaoru screamed in her new, somewhat bass voice.

Everyone else in the room awoke. Kenshin leapt up, his hand on his reversed blade. His amethyst eyes were wide in alarm, but that surprise was nothing compared to the shock of when the wanderer spotted two of his three best friends.

"ORO?" Kenshin shrieked.

"WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?" Sanosuke heard Yahiko scream.

Sanosuke tried to calm them down, which was unusual, because it was he who usually needed the calming. "H-Hey, guys—! Calm down! It's not as bad as it—"

Kaoru had put her hands on the sides of her head. "AAAAHHHHH!"

"ORO!"

"MY HAIR!"

"CALM DOWN!"

"AAAAAAH!"

"ORORO!"

"WHY DO I LOOK LIKE A GIRL?"

"BECAUSE YOU ARE A GIRL!"

"WHAAAAT?"

"AAAAAHHH!"

"OROROROROROROROOOOOO!"

Before anyone could understand what was happening, Kaoru was beating Sanosuke over the head with a wooden sword, Kenshin was running into walls; and Yahiko was running around in circles, his long hair flowing after him. The whole place was a mess.

After a bit, Kenshin had fallen unconscious from running into too many walls, Kaoru was tired of trying to kill Sano by beating him over the head (it didn't work), and Yahiko's legs were aching from running about. So they all sat down to handle the situation like civilized people; except for Kenshin, who was out cold.

"What happened?" Kaoru asked softly.

"I don't know," Sanosuke said, rubbing one of the two hundred sixty one lumps on his skull. "But whatever happened, I'm gonna flippin' decapitate the person who's responsible."

Yahiko nodded, running his fingers through his lengthy mane. "What really shocks me is that Sanosuke isn't as ugly as Kaoru was when she was a girl."

Yahiko got some lumps of his own, courtesy of Kaoru and Sano.

"Ever say that I'm _pretty_ and I'll pull your kidneys out through your nostrils using chopsticks!" Sanosuke hissed, shaking the youth without mercy.

"And don't say that I'm not a girl! I'm a girl, still!" Kaoru sobbed. "I'm not a guy! This is all just a bad dream!"

There was a small silence. Sanosuke hesitated, but in order to prove that Kaoru was indeed a man, poked her in the chest.

_**SLAP.**_

"PERVERT!"

Sanosuke lie dazed on the floor. A darkening slap mark was appearing on his face, and it was a bit before he found himself apt to sit up. "I was just showing you that—"

"I am not a man." Kaoru spat. "I am a beautiful, young woman who has a future in swordsmanship ahead of her. I am NOT a beautiful, young woman who has been turned into a man that has a future of swordsmanship ahead of him!"

"_Jou-Chan_," Sanosuke said gently in his silky voice. "I'm sorry, but—"

"I AM NOT LISTENING! LA, LA, LA!" Kaoru yelled, covering her ears up with her hands. "I DON'T LISTEN TO MEN WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS! LA, LA, LA, LA, LAAA!"

"HEY!" Sanosuke shouted. "If your prejudiced like that, you should have kicked KENSHIN out ages ago!"

Kaoru turned on Sanosuke with a killing glare. "DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT KENSHIN LIKE THAT!" Tackling him ferociously to the floor, Kaoru began to strangle Sano.

Kenshin woke from his faint, got to his feet, and bounced (yes, he bounced) over to Kaoru. "Miss Kaoru, you should not strangle people like so, de gozaru yo."

"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried, dropping Sanosuke. "You're okay!"

"Of course," Kenshin replied, smiling prettily. He sat next to Kaoru, and pulled out a nail file; proceeding to file Kaoru's nails. "All this strangling will ruin your nails, de gozaru yo. And you'll get wrinkles, Miss Kaoru, from screaming and scowling so often—and in the name of _Kami-sama_! Look at your skin…you've been out in the sun too long, that you have!"

Sanosuke and Kaoru looked at one another, traumatized.

"Kenshin's cracked," Kaoru squeaked.

Sanosuke nodded. "Finally."

Her face contorting in a scowl, Kaoru howled, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'FINALLY'? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH HOW KENSHIN ACTS?"

"Miss Kaoru!" Kenshin cried, looking offended. "What did I say about screaming and frowning? You're going to get wrinkles, _de gozaru yo_!"

"The only wrinkles here," Kaoru said in that low, menacing voice she often used—only, it was lower than before due to her recent alteration, "are named Sanosuke and Yahiko."

Yahiko looked up, frowning. "I didn't do anything!" he cried. "It's all Miss Sano's fault."

"'MISS SANO?'" Sanosuke snarled, turning and holding up a menacing fist.

"De gozaru yo," Kenshin added.

Kaoru stood, picking up a wooden sword, "**_THAT'S IT! YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE—YOU FIRST, SANOSUKE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_**!" And with smashing effort, Kaoru pounded the chicken-haired Sano in the back of the head.

At first, nothing seemed to happen. Sanosuke's eyes widened a bit, and his mouth fell open in surprise, a low gasp echoing from his lips. Everyone froze, waiting to see what happened. Kaoru dropped the wooden sword, realizing what she had done.

"Sanosuke!" she cried, falling to her knees and catching Sano as he slumped backwards. "Sano? _Sano_! Ohhh—_I'm so sorry_! Please don't die!"

Sanosuke smiled languidly, and giggled.

Everyone cocked an eyebrow.

"Aha…hahaha…haha…" Sanosuke continued to snicker, until he looked deliriously up at Kaoru, clutching her sleeve. "Hiya, handsome…"

Kaoru's eyes expanded to the size of Kenshin's in Oro-Mode. "What did he just say?" she asked Yahiko, hoping that she was hearing things.

Yahiko simply stared.

"Hee…heheh…" Sanosuke seemed to be having difficulty shutting up. "Flyin' pink monkeys are tap-dancing on the ceiling…cheep, cheep!" Sano then began making little squawking noises.

"Kaoru! Y-You killed him!" Yahiko squealed, looking terrified.

Sanosuke shouted at the top of his voice, raising a fist in the air. "POP GOES THE WEASEL! POP! POP! POP! POP! CRACKERS AND CHEESE!"

Kenshin found the whole thing very amusing. "Miss Sano seems to have lost her mind, de gozaru yo! We should eat chocolate and tepee the Akabeko."

"YEAH!" Sanosuke shouted animatedly, giggling hysterically. "CHOCOLATE! BEEF POT! SAKE! TOILET PAPER! YAAAAAAAAAYYY!"

Kaoru stared at the psycho, giggling kenkaya in her arms. "Oh my good Lord," she mumbled, wide-eyed. "I broke Sano."

"WHOOOAAAAAA!" yelled Sanosuke, and then he took to making up a little song. "I like cheese, Swiss and Colby Jack! I like cheese, hard or soft! Round or square! Big or small! I like cheese! I like them all! WOOF!"

Sanosuke then began to bark like a dog.

Kaoru looked at Kenshin, saying, "We have GOT to get Sanosuke some professional help, before he tries to go and drink out of the outhouse or something."

Sano let out a little whine, licking Kaoru's hand. She backhanded him, yelling, "BAD DOG!"

Whimpering, Sanosuke ran away on all fours to hide behind Kenshin. The redhead kindly patted Sano on the head, earning a yip from the inane he-she. "How will we make it out in public without embarrassing ourselves?" asked Kenshin, blinking.

"Uh…well, Kenshin, you could wear one of my kimonos," offered Kaoru, "And I could borrow one of your outfits, and Yahiko can use the kimono Tsubame left here. As for Sanosuke…I think Megumi left a change of clothes here, as well."

Yahiko's eyes widened, and he hissed, "We're going to _cross-dress_?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Either that or go out and let everyone know that the 'great Tokyo Samurai', Myoujin Yahiko, is a girl."

"Okay, okay, I'll do it," Yahiko mumbled, folding his arms.

So, Kenshin went into Kaoru's room to find a fitting kimono. After trying on a few, Kenshin found a dark purple kimono, patterned with silver stars. Tying it with a black obi, Kenshin found that he looked quite smashing.

Curiosity overtook the wanderer as he went through Kaoru's makeup, and with born expertise, Kenshin put mascara on his eyelashes, and lipstick on his mouth. Looking skeptically into the mirror, Kenshin modeled for himself until he found he looked gorgeously feminine.

"I'm so pretty, de gozaru yo," Kenshin giggled, smiling deviously as he crept out of Kaoru's room.

Kaoru, on the other hand, was downright miserable as she looked through Kenshin's meager change of clothes. At last, she settled for his red gi and white pants, finding that her black hair looked a little funny against the faded red of the fabric.

_Kenshin looks so much better in these_, she thought miserably. _I guess I had better get out there, before something else goes hideously wrong._

Yahiko and Kenshin met out in the hallway. For a moment, they simply stared at one another in shock. _Kenshin looks gorgeous_, Yahiko realized. _He's prettier than Megumi!_

Yahiko was wearing Tsubame's white kimono with a dark blue obi, his hair hanging loosely down his back. The ivory of the kimono clashed charmingly with Yahiko's tanned skin, and his wide brown eyes stood out against the whites of his eyes.

Kenshin smiled. "You look good, Yahiko."

Rage spread immediately over the young one's face. "WHAT?" he yelled, pulling out his shinai. "I DO NOT!"

Yahiko made to slam Kenshin in the face with his wooden sword, but Kenshin blocked the blow with his hand. "Don't," cried Kenshin angrily. "You'll mess up my makeup."

"Your WHAT?" Yahiko shouted, just as Kaoru came into the hall. He turned to Kaoru, pointing accusingly at Kenshin, "Kaoru! Kaoru! Kenshin is wearing _makeup_!"

Kaoru froze in shock, looking at the two womanized men. Kenshin peered innocently at Kaoru, while Yahiko clenched his fists in anxiety.

Swallowing, Kaoru tried to smile. "You two look fine."

"Yes, Miss Kaoru," Kenshin said, darting over to her side. "And you look stunning in red. You should wear it more often, de gozaru yo—though, white pants may not have been such a good choice…"

Kaoru frowned, backing off. "If you don't remember, the only thing you have in your closet is a red gi and white pants."

"Not true!" Kenshin mewled. "This unworthy one has a pair of leather jeans, as well."

"WHAT?" Kaoru and Yahiko yelled.

Kenshin nodded. "But they're a little too tight now, so Sessha doesn't wear them as often. They are hard to swordfight in, de gozaru yo; and for some odd reason Sessha is frequently attacked by strange women while wearing them."

Exchanging traumatized glances, Yahiko and Kaoru agreed never to speak of this again.

"What happened to Sanosuke?" asked Yahiko.

As if on cue, Sanosuke came walking down the hallway.

The fighter was wearing a blood red kimono, tied off with a white obi imprinted with brown and black leaves. Speckles of white and brown dotted the skirt, collar, and sleeves of the kimono, seeming to meld in with Sano's long tan neck and deep brown eyes. He had tied his brunette hair back with his bandanna, letting the ends of the ribbon hang loosely.

There was a moment of silence, before Yahiko muttered, "Oh dear God. How are we supposed to lie low with Miss Japan waltzing her skinny ass around?"

"Back off, Barbie." Sanosuke growled, narrowing his eyes. "I wore what Kaoru told me to."

Kenshin's eyes widened. "Ah! Sanosuke's back to normal!"

Kaoru took a step closer, raising her left eyebrow. "Sano, are you wearing _lipstick_?"

Pausing, Kenshin amended, "Never mind."

"HEY!" Sanosuke squealed, practically teleporting over to Kenshin. "Wow, Sir Ken, you look beautiful in that! Did Kaoru really have that in her closet? She's never worn it before…"

Yahiko interjected, asking shrilly, "Did you just call him 'Sir Ken'!"

There was a silence, before Sanosuke suddenly burst out laughing, covering his mouth up with his hand. "Ohohohohoho!"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" **_

Before Sanosuke could blink, Kenshin was hanging from the ceiling, Kaoru was hiding behind a plant, and Yahiko was gripping Kenshin's ankle, also dangling from the ceiling.

A few seconds passed, until Sanosuke got bored, so he stuck his finger in his mouth and yanked it out. A popping noise was made. "Oooh!" Sano squealed, and then yelled, "POP! POP! POP! CHERRY COKE!" and he jumped out a nearby window.

"Oh, no!" Kaoru yelled, coming out of hiding. "He's loose! We have to go find him!"

"AIIIYEEEEEEEHH!" Kenshin screamed, tumbling to the floor, squishing Yahiko beneath him. Once everyone had gotten to his feet, Kenshin demanded that he go and fix his makeup. After Kenshin was made happy, they left the dojo in search of the amok Sanosuke.

It didn't take long, fortunately. Sanosuke was found at the nearest bar; flirting with local drunks.

"Oh _Kami-sama_," Kaoru sighed, slapping herself in the forehead. Sanosuke's kimono had slid down one shoulder as he leaned drunkenly on the table, and his intoxicated smile seemed to attract men like bees to honey. Five of them had gathered at his table.

"San—I mean, uh, Sakura!" Kaoru blurted, racing into the saloon. Kenshin and Yahiko waited at the door.

"H-Hi," Sanosuke giggled as Kaoru came near. "'Sup?"

"You baka Bird-Head!" Kaoru yelled, tugging on Sano's sleeve. "What are you doing!"

Sanosuke shrugged, taking another swig of his sake. "Quack," he replied.

The men at the table didn't seem the slightest bit discouraged about Sanosuke's behavior. Instead, one rose violently, yelling at Kaoru, "Hey! Keep yer hands off her!"

"Who are you to boss me around?" Kaoru snarled, forgetting that she had taken the appearance of a man, and could easily begin a bar fight.

Sanosuke had poured some of his sake on the table, and by dunking his finger in the puddle and running it over the dry area of the table, he drew little pictures of cheese and a screaming Kaoru with a goatee. Then he got bored again, and began blowing sake bubbles at the real Kaoru.

"Stop that!" Kaoru cried, wiping her cheek where a sake bubble had popped.

Sanosuke hissed at her.

The man Kaoru had been bickering with lifted her off the floor by her collar, snarling, "Get lost, shrimp! This is our woman, and we don't want you meddling—"

**THOCK.**

Surprisingly, it wasn't Kaoru who hit the man.

Kenshin stood there with his reversed blade sword abroad, scowling in his ultimate gorgeousness. "It'd be appreciated if you'd shut your pie hole, Mister." The wanderer growled at the unconscious man.

"Mister Kaori, are you alright?" Kenshin asked Kaoru, changing her name to a man's, as Kaoru had done to Sanosuke's. Kaoru nodded, gulping.

The rest of the men were taken by shock at the sight of the sword-bearing beauty, stumbling backwards in fright.

Giggling, Sanosuke blew another sake bubble.

"Come on, Sakura," Kenshin said cleverly. "It's time to go see Miss Megumi and teepee the Akabeko."

"BUBBLES!" yelled Sanosuke, jumping into Kaoru's arms. The poor girl-guy nearly fell over, but managed to keep balance as she carried the intoxicated Sanosuke out of the bar. Kenshin followed suit after putting his sakabatou in its sheathe.

Sighing, Kaoru put Sano on his feet when they had reached the road. "That was close. Thanks, Kenshin."

"Of course," Kenshin said dramatically. "What good is a story without a beautiful, kick-ass heroine?"

Gasping, Yahiko yelled, "Kenshin swore!"

Kenshin frowned. "Hot damn! I swore!"

"You did it again!" Yahiko screamed.

A silence followed, until Kenshin said, "Oro?"

"That's better," said Kaoru, dragging Sanosuke along. "Now, come on, we've got to get Sano to Megumi!"

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy family…With a knick-knack paddy-whack, give a dog a bone! I hate you, leave me alone!" sang Sanosuke, blowing one last sake bubble.

Sano gasped as he watched the sake bubble float away. "NOOO! COME BACK! I LOVE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!" he screamed, writhing in Kaoru's hold, trying to reach the bubble. "I—MUST—**POP**—YOU—!"

"Sanosuke! STOP IT!" Kaoru shouted, trying to restrain the drunken freak. "YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE!"

Indeed, he was—everyone in the street was staring at them.

"SPIDER-MAN!" Sanosuke screamed, suddenly leaping out of Kaoru's arms and jumping on a nearby roof.

"Oh, shoot!" Kaoru yelled. "He escaped! Kenshin, fetch!"

Kenshin immediately sprang into action, yelling, "HITEN MITSURUGI STYLE—UNAVOIDABLE ANGRY SQUIRREL FREAK SQUISHER! AICHICHICHICHI!" Screaming like an angry squirrel freak, Kenshin leapt onto the roof and tackled Sanosuke.

Grabbing Sanosuke's collar and twirling him around overhead, Kenshin flung Sano down onto the ground below, where Kaoru caught him before he could hit the road. Yahiko cheered.

No one was staring at the Kenshingumi now. They had all ran.

"COME!" Kenshin shouted, pulling a large red sleigh to the edge of the roof. Eight reindeer were lashed to the sleigh, and they nickered nervously at the sight of the odd redhead manhandling their sleigh. "WE WILL FLY!"

"HOT DOGS!" replied Sanosuke.

"Hey!" yelled a fat man in a red suit, who was also standing on the roof. "Get away from my sleigh!"

Kenshin whirled around, and promptly pushed the fat man off the roof.

"OOOOOOROOROROOOOOO!" Kenshin screamed like a wild man (or woman?), lashing a rope to the edge of the building's roof, swinging down on it like a vine. He scooped up Kaoru and Yahiko all in one motion, flinging around and landing on the roof again.

After putting the two in the sleigh, Kenshin leapt down to retrieve Sanosuke. The two men/women circled one another like wolves for a minute or so, growling and hissing on all fours.

"Cheese," hissed Kenshin angrily.

"Chocolate!" Sanosuke insisted.

"ICE-CREAM!" the both shouted, charging at one another. They collided, ensuing in a four-star catfight.

After a bit of biting, scratching, screaming, hissing, growling, slapping, kicking, sobbing, whimpering, punching, and strangling; Kenshin and Sano were lying in the street, panting tiredly.

"Soap…" Kenshin said, exhausted.

Sanosuke sighed in reply, "Conditioner…"

"BUBBLES!" Kenshin and Sano cried, but by then Kaoru had dragged them both up onto the roof on the sleigh.

Whipping the reigns, Kaoru screamed, "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen—"

"Hey, what's Megumi doing, tied to the sleigh?" inquired Yahiko; and indeed, there was Megumi, looking very cross among the deer.

Sano waved cheerily at her. "Band-Aid!" he said with a smile.

"WHOA!" Megumi cried, nearly falling off the roof. "What—what happened to you all? Is that Sanosuke?"

Sano crawled out of the sleigh, sitting down by Megumi and gnawing through her bridle. When Megumi was free, Sanosuke gave her a hug and yipped, "Band-Aid!"

"Get away from me, freak!" Megumi snarled, backing off. Sanosuke's face fell and he whimpered as he retreated back to the red sleigh. There, Sano hid behind Kaoru and Kenshin, feeling hurt.

"Aww, you made him feel bad," Kaoru snapped, patting Sano on the head.

"It's not everyday I'm hugged by a girl who was a guy and acts like some loon from the mental asylum," Megumi replied. "Now I'll have to drench myself in disinfectant."

Sanosuke let out a little whimper.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow, but said, "Actually, we were coming to see you. As you can tell, something's happened to us, and we don't know how to fix it. And, Sanosuke's…lost his mind."

"Kenshin, too," added Yahiko.

"The precious," Kenshin began to drone, his left eye twitching. "The precious is near…we must find it, yes…it calls to us…Gollum! Gollum!"

Megumi put a hand to her lips. "That IS serious."

"IT'S OVER THERE!" Kenshin screamed, pointing afar.

And there it was.

"BUBBLE!" Sanosuke shrieked.

Indeed, there was Sano's long-lost sake bubble floating in the distance.

"Quack—I mean, quick, hold him down!" Kaoru yelled, and immediately she, Yahiko, and Megumi pinned Sano to the ground before he could attempt to jump off the sleigh, after his bubble.

"NOOOOOOO—!" Sano screamed, wriggling. "THE BUBBLE! BUBBLE! SAKE—BUBBLE! MY PRECIOUS! GIVE IT TO US! IT'S OURS!"

Kenshin stood, before anyone could stop him, grabbed the reigns of the sleigh. "GET THE SAKE BUBBLE! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The deer took off, and with Kenshin's direction, flew after the sake bubble.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Yahiko, Kaoru, and Megumi.

"YAAAAAAAAAY!" yelled Sanosuke and Kenshin.

Catching up to the sake bubble, Kenshin extended his arms to pop it. Sano squirmed, screaming insanely that it was his bubble, and not Kenshin's to pop. However, the other three of the Kenshingumi pinned Sano securely to the floor of the sleigh.

_Pop_ went the sake bubble.

Sanosuke let out the most pitiful, blood-curdling howl ever to be heard upon the earth.

"Now that that's over," Kaoru said, letting Sano sit up. "We have to get to Megumi's clinic."

"DIE, EVIL RED MOP!" Sanosuke screamed, tackling Kenshin with blind rage.

Roaring, Kenshin wrenched Sanosuke's pretty brown ponytail, chewing on it savagely. Sanosuke retaliated by smearing Kenshin's makeup.

Kenshin gasped. "MY MAKEUP! NAY! NAY, I SAY! IT CANNOT BE!" The redhead froze, and suddenly fell weakly into Kaoru's lap. "I am no longer pretty…" Kenshin gasped, twitching. "My prettiness is melting with my mascara…MY HEART IS BEING STABBED REPEATEDLY BY THE CHOPSTICKS OF DOOM!"

He then fainted.

"COME ON!" Kaoru yelled, ignoring the unconscious Rurouni in her lap. "TO THE OGUNI CLINIC!"

"YEAH!" agreed Yahiko.

"Please," said Megumi softly, as Sano came over and meowed at her.

(AT ZEE OGUNI CLEENIK)

"Well," Megumi said, as the Kenshingumi sat down in her office. "The only way to turn you back to normal, of course, is if you kiss your true love."

"WHAT?" yelled Yahiko. "When we're the same gender? That's gross!"

"Do it or stay like that forever," Megumi warned.

A silence ensued, until Sano said seriously, "Pineapples."

"Well?" Megumi asked Team Kenshin. "Are you going to just sit there, or start searching?"

A second later she wished she hadn't said that.

All at once; Sanosuke, Kenshin, and Yahiko deposited kisses on Megumi' cheeks and lips. Kaoru turned away in disgust, disbelieving that Kenshin just did that.

**POOF! **

Suddenly, Sanosuke was again a man. In a woman's kimono. Inching out of the room in embarrassment, he returned minutes later, wearing a hakama and gi. He looked unusual in such clothes, since everyone was used to him wearing his white pants and Aku jacket. But nevertheless, he looked a heck lot better than he had in a kimono.

Megumi had passed out, not wanted to believe that Sano was her true love.

Sanosuke was also very red in the face, but suddenly began dancing around, yelling, "I'm too sexy for my shirt! Too sexy for my shirt! So sexy that it hurts!"

"What?" exclaimed Kaoru. "He's still crazy! What—"

She was cut off when Kenshin suddenly captured her lips in the most breathtaking kiss ever to be executed in the wee lil' town of Tokyo.

**POOF!**

Kaoru was a girl again, wearing Kenshin's clothes; and Kenshin in Kaoru's kimono. They were both flushed in embarrassment, and Kenshin mumbled, "Um, this unworthy one is going to change…"

"Ah, okay," Kaoru said, blushing. "How about I go first, so you can change into your own clothes?"

"Okay," said Kenshin, as Kaoru went and changed into a clinic dress. When she came out, she handed Kenshin the gi and pants, and he went into the bathroom and washed his makeup off. He then changed out of Kaoru's kimono and into his own clothes, coming out and handing the kimono and such to Kaoru. Kaoru then went inside the changing room and changed into her own kimono.

When that was settled, everyone sat down tiredly.

"Now what?" Yahiko mumbled miserably. "I'm only ten. I can't have a true love."

Kaoru smiled softly. "I doubt that, Yahiko! In fact, I think I know who it is!"

Yahiko looked up hopefully. "Really?"

Sanosuke snickered. "Lollipops."

"Quiet, you!" Kaoru snarled threateningly to Sano, who quickly shut up. Taking Yahiko by the wrist, Kaoru led him to the Akabeko.

"Hey, Tsubame!" Kaoru sang, making Yahiko's face go white.

"Huh? Kaoru-_san_?" Tsubame said softly, running up to meet her. Kaoru pushed Yahiko behind her, so that Tsubame couldn't see him. "What is it?"

"Close your eyes, please," Kaoru asked.

Being one who trusted very easily, Tsubame closed her eyes.

Kaoru motioned for Yahiko to go ahead. He shook his head no. Kaoru shook a fist at him, and Yahiko hurriedly leaned forward to peck Tsubame on the cheek.

**POOF! **

Yahiko hid behind Kaoru again, face burning. Tsubame opened her eyes, frowning slightly. "What was that?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing—a bug landed on your face, is all," Kaoru said nervously, smiling.

"A…A bug?" Tsubame asked.

Kaoru nodded. "Yup! Well, uh, see ya, Tsubame-_chan_!" Turning and dragging Yahiko quickly out of the restaurant, Kaoru flew back to the Oguni clinic.

"W…Was that Yahiko-_chan_?" Tsubame muttered to herself, wide-eyed. Deciding that she must be seeing things, she turned around and continued her shift.

Meanwhile, back at the Oguni clinic; Yahiko had changed into a spare outfit that Megumi kept for young male patients. (Megumi had arisen from her faint, refusing to look Sanosuke in the eye.)

"Well, I'm glad that's over!" Kaoru sighed happily.

Then Sanosuke quacked.

"Oh, yeah," Kaoru sighed. "How do we fix Sano's insanity?" she asked Megumi.

"Do whatever you did to make him that way," replied Megumi.

Picking up a tray, Kaoru slammed Sanosuke in the skull with it as hard as she could. Sanosuke went into a daze.

"Five…four…three…two…" Kenshin counted.

Suddenly, Sanosuke blinked and scowled. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" he yelled at Kaoru, who cheered and hugged him.

"SANO'S BACK! SANO'S BACK!" Kaoru yelled joyfully.

"GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!" Sano screamed, pushing her away. "Geez…freak of nature…"

Kenshin, Kaoru, Megumi, and Yahiko exchanged looks. Then Yahiko said, shaking his head, "You have NO idea."

They all burst out laughing; except for Sano, who was still quite confused.

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?"'

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SERIOUSLY—WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

"WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I DON'T GET IT!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"

Getting quite agitated, Sanosuke picked up the tray Kaoru had used on him, and broke it over Kenshin's head.

"ORO!" cried the rurouni, swirly-eyed. Then, quite suddenly, Kenshin froze.

"K-Kenshin…?" Kaoru whispered, wide-eyed. "Are you okay?"

Suddenly, the lights went out. Everyone screamed, but was cut off when a sudden ray of light came from nowhere onto the table. Kenshin jumped on the table, holding a microphone.

"SANO! YOU BROKE KENSHIN!" Yahiko screamed, but just then; lively music started up from nowhere.

Upon recognizing the tune, Sanosuke muttered, "Oh, no…"

Kenshin began singing about eleven seconds into the song.

"I brushed against those freckles that I hated so,

Life goes on and I heave a little sigh for you.

It's heavy, the love that I would share for you,

But it dissolves like it was just a sugar cube."

Megumi ran out of the room, frightened by the almighty chipmunkiness of the Rurouni Kenshin theme song. Kaoru then leapt gracefully onto the table beside Kenshin, seizing the microphone and continuing the song.

"Now the little pain sittin' in my heart

Has shrunk in a bit, but it really does hurt me now.

Those silly horoscopes, I

Guess I can't trust them after aaaaaaall!"

Sanosuke joined the two on the tabletop, taking the microphone from Kaoru. He sang in his deep voice, surprisingly able to control it well.

"If we could get further awaaaaay,

I wonder what it would be liiiike...?

(ooooooooooooh)

Yay!"

Yahiko jumped onto the table on the other side of Kenshin and Kaoru, proud of his little part in the theme.

"I'd be so happy,

Inside my heeeaaart!"

Joining in a chorus, the Kenshingumi finished:

"All the memories I have are beautiful in my mind,

But they don't feed the hunger deep inside my soul…

And tonight I thought,

I'd be just sittin' in my sorrow.

And now I must wonder, wonder why,

What did it really mean to you?

I just can't see it anymore!

I just can't see it anymore…

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhhhh!"

And then there was a, "Moo."

"AAAAAAH! SANO REALLY DID BREAK KENSHIN!"

"Moo?"

"HE'S MOOING!"

"Moomoo?"

"WAY TO GO, BIRD HEAD!"

"Moo?"

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"

"Moo."

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW?"

"Moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moooooooooo!"

"AAAH! HE'S MOOING THE THEME SONG!"

"KILL HIM!"

"Moo?"

"WAIT, WHAT'S THAT NOISE?"

"IT SOUNDS LIKE…"

"OH NOOOOOOOO!"

"MOOO!"

Suddenly, everything went black.

Sanosuke held up a flashlight, so that his face was visible. "This scene has been omitted from the fanfiction due to extremely explicit Fangirl terrorism, whipped cream incidents, tickle torture, the use of melted chocolate, and so on. As you can tell, I am using extremely long and intelligent words to actually be Sanosuke, so…"

Sanosuke pulled off his mask to reveal that he is actually Aoshi.

"Now, you may find it hard to believe that I'm Aoshi, because Aoshi doesn't hardly talk at all. So then, I must be…"

Aoshi pulled off his mask to reveal that he is actually Saitou.

"…you're worst nightmare. _MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA_!"

END

_**MadiSano: I'm insane. Bored at the moment, but insane. Hope you liked my fanfiction…sorry about the end, though. I was listening to the theme song and it just sort of wormed its way in! **_

_**Please Review if you liked my fic!**_


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